So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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