oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
