Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
