my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
