every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
