i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.