I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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