i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky