hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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