I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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