Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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