I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize