Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
