i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
