He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
