he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
