Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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