wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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