how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
