He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
