Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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