Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm at about main and main street
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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