Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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