the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
