Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
