Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
