I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
