Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
