hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
