Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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