So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize