When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
