just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dignity is for republicans.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
