It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
