Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
