I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
