i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
