so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
