God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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