By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
