I just threw up on my dentist
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
