Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
