why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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