I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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