Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize