I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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