just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i came on her dog
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
