I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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