this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
