THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
