do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
