What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Rumble strips road head = magical
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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