When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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