so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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