I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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