yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
