the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he thought i was a dude.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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