The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
