yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
