I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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