Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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