I think my fart just growled at me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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