I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
