Three words: puerto rican gang bang
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
